Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
