i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
