Kiss
Puke
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
it was like eating out sand paper
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
