Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
