Who wears a wallet chain?!
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
