I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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