I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
it glows. i had to have it.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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