My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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