Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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