i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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