I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
