The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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