we're blogging at a bar
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
