Porn is love you can see.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
