I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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