just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
