Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
