I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
