You're my little dorito
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
