I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
