You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
