Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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