My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
organizing the empties. That sober.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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