Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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