it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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