Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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