She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
