i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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