I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
