you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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