So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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