In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
