alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
