you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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