i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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