You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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