it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
