I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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