Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
