she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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