At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
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Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
