On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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