Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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