I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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