I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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