I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
