capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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