Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
