i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
