Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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