We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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