Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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