idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
