Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
