Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
