i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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