I want to stick my p in your. b.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
