Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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