At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
