Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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