Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
