Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
