I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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