In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
